How not to be a jerk when checking women out
68Introduction
To all the guys out there, you are not blind, everyone gets it including women. The purpose of this guide is to share some thoughts on how to be tasteful when looking at a woman. Women are beautiful but always treat them with respect even when looking at them.
Don't stare or ogle
Depending on where you are, a car for instance, this can get you seriously hurt. It is okay to look at a woman, but it's not polite to stare. Yes, she maybe extremely attractive, but if you focus on that you are sending a strong message. You are interested in her external beauty. There is more to a woman than her beauty. Always try to remember this when sightseeing.
Introduce yourself
This will give you additional information about her. Like her name for instance. This will probably move you out of the creepy zone. I have heard this many times, "That guy was creepy. All he did was stare at me."
Nothing is easy in life. Getting in a relationship with a woman is no different. Talking to her allows you to pick up on signals and body language. Getting in there, be less creepy, and get to know her.
Acknowledge her and be on your way
Normally a nod or a smile will do. You are saying she is attractive in a subtle way. There is a time and place to be aggressive around woman. You do have to be aggressive on the first impression. Sometimes a little mystery goes along way.
Have you ever done this?
See results without votingDon't grab her!
This is a huge no no. Just because she is attractive does not mean you have the right to touch her. Keep your hands to yourself. Manners are always important. Trust me, you do not want to get tased. That is very likely to happen if you are going to be foolish.
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Examining the goods
Yes, this extremely controversial, but I am going to say it. It is better to do this when she is further away. You are a guy, of course you are going to do this. Again, do it tactfully.
Have you ever seen a, 'my eyes are not down here,' t-shirt? If so, you are checking the goods out way to late. When having a conversation try to look her in the eye as much as possible. Always try to have meaningful conversations. In other words, a conversation where you are not staring at her t-shirt.
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Thank you. I hope so too.:)
Wow! that's real talk.... Every woman wants to be respected in every way..I look forward to reading more of your hubs....
Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciated the feedback.
Hey Eliot, this is pretty cool. I've actually been thinking about the advice you used to give me on women a while back, although I didn't really understand it back then.
I'd like to expand on the introduce yourself section a bit. As most of the 'creep' factor comes in during the approach, or the attempt to approach.
What most guys do is they'll make it totally obvious that they're trying to check her out, but then they'll walk up but NOT talk to her, and stand around pretending to do something else, while attempting to get up the courage to talk to the woman. This is incredibly obvious to women, and also incredibly creepy.
Unless the woman has given you signs that she's interested, you should not engage in a direct long walk directly over to her, as this will put a lot of pressure on her and make her feel uncomfortable. Instead try to get over to her in a non-obvious way and when you talk to her make it casual. Don't be facing her head on as this makes it hard for her to escape, and again..ups the pressure. Example: If you're both at the bar facing the bar/facing away from the bar just simply turn your head and start talking. The least amount of effort to talk to her the better. If you've got to do back flips and duck under tables to talk to the woman, it's going to be sending a very strong message.
You're probably going to ask her questions at first, unless you've already got something to say that you'll both understand. When you do, make sure that you *care* about the answers. Being asked a barrage of questions to which the guy replies "cool" or "nice" and fires off another question is going to be boring, annoying and/or creepy to her.
Like Eliot said, if you show too much interest before you've gotten to know enough about her, she is going to think you're only into her because of her looks, and she's going to be turned off.
Also body language is very important. The most important thing is to make eye contact and smile. Smiling is important. Eye contact + not smiling can be EXTREMELY INTIMIDATING. You don't want to be staring her down either. You should break eye contact periodically when she's responding to you, but should always hold eye contact when speaking to her. Also don't fidget. Keep your hands in front of you clasped or at your sides. Don't shift your weight from side to side. If you place your feet slightly wider than shoulder-width apart you will be well balanced and won't feel the need to shift your weight. There's so much about body language and everything I just said, but these are the basics.
I don't know what you mean by grabbing El, but I assume you mean something obtuse and leaning on the vulgar side. You can touch girls in conversation but if the girl already thinks your creepy this could make it worse.
Touching is actually a good way to build comfort. Notice how when someone going through a rough time they often have their hands held more. People will tough their shoulder in consolation, but you have to be careful. I've found what I call "the gay test" to be a good way of determining whether a certain touch is okay. If it would be okay for you to touch one of your guy friends that way, then it's probably okay for you to touch a girl that way in conversation. However, if the guy would be like "Whoa, what are you doing man?" then you probably shouldn't touch a girl that way in conversation.
So now that I've written this. I'm wondering...What the hell is a hub?? lol
Alex, I appreciate your insight on why some guys come off as creepy. It's tough getting the courage to approach a woman. Also, yes, eye contact without smiling doesn't help either.
As far as grabbing, I actually mean to physically grab a woman. Some people call it to cop a feel. Remember, always use manners and be respectful.:)
Thanks again for the wonderful insight.
Well the funny thing is that everyone always talks about getting the courage to do something and then doing it, but really, you get the courage to do it FROM doing it.
I would never be confident building computers if I didn't take that leap of faith and start...building computers.
I totally didn't see this reply. Sorry about that Alex. Yes, confidence is important. You have to build it. Sadly, to the road to confidence is filled with rejection sometimes. Thanks again for sharing!
HappyHer 22 months ago
Great Hub! I hope many "would be" jerks read this before they offend the next unsuspecting attractive person.